“I don’t want to be here” – based on a true story.

All reservists are being called up. But Lionel has already done his bit for King and country. Two and a half years as an officer. So why would he want to sign up as a guardsman?

It seems he has no choice. He’s been conscripted, but he doesn’t want to be here. Can he find ways to avoid fighting? Of course he can!

Very funny and inventive (particularly on Lionel’s part). I love Lionel’s mum as she gets more fed up with each phone call.

Written by Nigel Foster
Directed by Emmeline Braefield

With 
Sally Hyde Lomax as Mrs Gwendoline Hetherdew
Ben Manning as Lionel Hetherdew
James Parsons as Sergeant Beaumont and Sergeant Rudger
Scott Peacock as Captain Horncock
and
Emmeline Braefield as The Telephone Operator

Produced by Cat on a Piano Productions 

Music:
Invitation to the Castle Ball by Doug Maxwell
Brooke’s Triumphant March – United States Marine Band
Bike Sharing to Paradise by Dan Bodan
With Shot and Shell by the United States Marine Band
Away by Georgrapher
Strenuous Life by United States Marine Band

The Theatrephonic Theme tune was composed by Jackson Pentland
Performed by
Jackson Pentland
Mollie Fyfe Taylor
Emmeline Braefield

Cat on a Piano Productions produce and edit feature films, sketches and radio plays.

Their latest project is called @Theatrephonic, a podcast of standalone radio plays and short stories performed by professional actors. You can catch Theatrephonic on Spotify and other platforms.

For more information about the Theatrephonic Podcast, go to catonapiano.uk/theatrephonic, Tweet or Instagram @theatrephonic, or visit their Facebook page.

And if you really enjoyed this week’s episode, listen to Theatrephonic’s other plays and short stories and consider becoming a patron by clicking here…